dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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