At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just cut my nipple shaving
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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