he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
