dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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