Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
