I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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