the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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