is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
