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I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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