i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
