I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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