i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
