the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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