I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
