So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
