Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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