they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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