Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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