dude i'm inner monologue high
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
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its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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