dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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