seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
