why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
