well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
