I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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