I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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