im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
