Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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