I'm gonna have a badass scar
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
