you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
