WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
