Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
