I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
