Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
