My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
