Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
babies were throwing up all over the place
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
