Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
