On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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