mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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