Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
