U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
