dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
