Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
