And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
