there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
