Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
