Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
