rhymes with "ouble enetration"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
