I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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