Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wish you could order shots online.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
