Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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