'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
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Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
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Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.