I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool