Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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