YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.