dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
No idea. I blame fireball.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.