I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
