OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.