A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
