o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
