the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dear god my vagina.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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