True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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