I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
