the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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