im so drunk with asians
where?
always
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
