there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
