I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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