It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
