I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
