I wish I could teleport
I want to make a zoo with you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
