I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Randomize
