Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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