we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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