I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
