I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
