The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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