You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
