Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
