Sry I called you an 8
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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