I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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