Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
