i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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